WHAT DOES A WOMAN WANT?

Young King  Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring  kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's  youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long  as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a  year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no  answer, he would be put to death.

The  question?...What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.

He returned to  his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests,  the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.

Many people  advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have the  answer.

But the price would be high; as the witch was famous throughout the  kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.

The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch.  She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her  price first.

The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend!

Young Arthur was  horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth,  smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never  encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.

He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden; but  Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur

He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the  preservation of the Round Table.

Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur's question thus:

What a woman really wants, she answered....is to be in charge of her own  life.

Everyone in the  kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared.

And so it was,  the neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and Lancelot and  The honeymoon  hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific  experience, entered the bedroom.

But, what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened ?

The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a  witch, she would henceforth, be her horrible deformed self only half the time and the beautiful maiden the other half.

Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day....or night?

Lancelot  pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch? Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day, but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous  intimate moments?
What  would YOU do?
What  Lancelot chose is below. 
  BUT....make  YOUR choice before you scroll down below.
    OKAY?







Noble  Lancelot said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself.

Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own  life.

Now....what is  the moral to this story?

The moral  is..... 
If you  don't let a woman have her own way.... Things are going to get ugly

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“The limits of my language mean the limits of my world.”

                                                                                                   Ludwig Wittgestein – Austrian Philosopher 

Hey Flabbergasting People,

It has been a long time huh! Yeah, I know, but it is for a very good reason! Lately, I, together with a group of great professionals, have gathered around and come up with this great partnership. 

Achieve Languages PAMPULHA, which is directly connected to Oxford University Press, has been invited by Flabbergastng English CEO, Rodrigo P. Honorato, to become partners. That is, as of now, we will post on tips, materials, grammar, expressions, and so on. Get ready for this new phase we are setting off.

We are really happy to kick off 2013 with this great news! 

Written by Flabbergasting English Team

Some Thoughts - Traveling makes me think deep thoughts.

It’s been a while since the last time I came around here to put my thoughts forward, but I am back and ready to do so.

Being in America for almost 3 months has made me realize how much I love Brazil. I am not trying to say that Brazil is better than America or the other way around. Brazil and the USA are two different nations which face different types of problems and social issues: racial slur, poverty, starvation, prejudice, gossip, ghettos in inner cities, and many other problems.

The best of being in America is knowing that I’ll soon be back in Brazil. The United States is a great country and it is full of opportunities. That is, it’s way easier to have or become what you want. Here in America, I can buy all those clothes my Brazilian friends crave for and could never buy. Here, I can drive a Honda Civic or a Ford Fusion and, even still, be looked down upon because they are “shitty-ass” cars. Mc Donalds is “trash” and Burger King is “okay”. Ecko, DC Shoes, Oakley, Nike, Jordan, Reebok and any other name brands Brazilian people love and would like to have, in America you can buy’em for really cheap and you will not impress anyone.

On the other hand, Brazil is a developing country where people still struggle to pay for those shoes they bought 5 months ago. A typical middle-class Brazilian citizen has one pair of shoes to go to school and play soccer and a nice pair to go to nice places. Brazil is the country where corruption takes place right in front of people but we, Brazilians, just don’t care. Brazil is where rich and poor people live together in different worlds. Brazil is hypocrites! We love to say that our food is better, our beaches are more beautiful, our women are prettier, our soccer skills stand out, but everybody wants to move out of the country because “Brasil eh uma merda”. Brazilians tend to say they are not racists, but when I come around, people still hide their purses, wallets and cellphones because being black is threatening. Brazil is where pedophilia is seen as “As Novinha”. Funk is culture, but pedophilia is crime. Brazil is as big as my dream to be proud of being Brazilian for having become a successful nation. I would rather be recognized as a country where people are intelligent and tolerant than as a country where Carnaval means being naked on the street, “tworking”, and kissing tens of people in one night because it is cool. However it is way far away from coming true. Being sexy is part of Brazilian culture and costumes. Being sexy is a gift, but we do not need to use it in order to make a living when we can use our brain. When Brazilians get out of the country, the first thing they show to other people is how women are “hot”, how they dance in funk balls, and how small their bikinis are. Don’t get mad when they come up to you say “I heard Brazilian women are slutty”. That includes my mom, your sister, your girlfriend, wife…

Crimes in Brazil don’t affect people anymore. When breaking news show people dying, kids dealing drugs and holding guns, we just look at the TV and keep on doing what we’re doing as if nothing had happened. Most Brazilian people do not do anything to change this scenario. The only way I know is EDUCATION. If you have a different one, please let me know and let us work together.

Even still, I am really happy for being born and raised in Brazil, because it is so much fun to be raised on the streets flying kites, playing soccer, go down the hill on carrinho de mao, and simply vibrate when your mom or dad brings danoninho for you because you have behaved as you should. Being rich might be really nice, but rich people miss all the fun when it comes to accomplishing those little things in life that make the greatest memories such as: taking your girlfriend to the beach for the first time, going to a really nice restaurant, buying your first laptop, buying Coca-Cola and forgetting about refrigerecos for that amazing churrasco you threw with your friends. Simple things like that make me love being Brazilian. We are happy and we are the only people I know that are able to joke on ourselves and our weaknesses without being mad.

Being successful in a successful country does not change people’s lives. But being successful in a country like Brazil shows people that whatever you put your mind to and work hard for what you want, you can achieve.

It is great to know I will soon be back home in Brazil so that I can help other people’s dreams come true. There is a wide range of dreams I can help people accomplish like teaching English, helping people get a better job, helping people travel abroad, showing different cultures or simply helping them open their eyes to another opportunity in life. I know I can do that and that’s why I never stop trying to make people’s lives better. What have you done to help others?

Everything I wanted to have when it comes to outfit, shoes, gears, hats, and electronics, I could buy in America and it taught me something really important - They don’t mean anything if you are not genuinely happy or if you did not work hard for what you could purchase. People in America usually buy what they do not need, waste food, and label people based on what they look or dress like. It is called stereotyping, profiling or simply prejudice/preconception.  

I love to have a thuggish style and being educated at the same time. People get really confused when they see me sagging and walking with a limp, listening to gangster rap music, but when I speak, proper or mainstream English comes out. Or when I sit at Starbucks and start reading a book. They look at me as if what I am doing were a crime or something surreal. 

Traveling makes people multicultural and this is what I feel now. Part of me is American and the other part is Brazilian. Whenever I am in Brazil, I miss America. On the other hand, whenever I am in America, I miss Brazil. I still have room in my mind and heart to be part of a whole lot of other cultures, creeds and nations. Just need to have more money and time to travel. 

If you Y.O.L.O (You Only Live Once), do something that makes people remember you positively when you leave this world to chill with Jesus. 

Rodrigo P. Honorato

What's up with y'all Flabbergasting English people,

How are y'all doing today? I hope you've been good. Even though it is Sunday, Mother's Day, here in Brazil, I have to work...Gotta bring home the bacon, right? Well, I have had a lot of fun with English throughout my life and this really caught my eye. I played this song in class and asked what my students feel about it. 98% of them said "Teacher, it sounds really cool, who sings it?"... I played it for the second time and they were like "Hold on! It's kind of weird!"... But they still liked it! 

Try it without reading the lyrics and let me know what you think. By clicking HERE you will be directed to  YOUTUBE. Listen to the song and tell me whether or not you like it. Then, read the lyrics below.

LYRICS:

This song sounds dramatic
but I'm bad at writing words.
If you don't speak English,
this probably sounds pretty good.

You'd probably think I'm singing
bout some pretty serious stuff.
But in reality, I'm singing 'bout 
the lack of stuff i'm singing 'bout.

This part's intense. 
And emotional.
As long as you don't understand it.

Your foreign grandma 
would love this song.

Please send it to her, 
and she'll probably tell her
foreign friends about the song her 
grandson or daughter sent her today.

This song might hit the charts in her country
if parts sounded like Coldplay.

If the chorus sounds like Coldplay.

Then I put some 'La-La-La's in there.
La la la la la, 
la la la la la la la (Coldplay)

Hopefully your foreign grandma
listens to this song everyday.
And if she asks you to 
translate the lyrics, here's what you say:

"A perfect translation does not exist.
Well, at least, not in your language.
But if you must know, well, picture this:
Fifty billion rainbows,
and the sun is setting,
and the moon is setting, also,
and you're there in a gazebo.
And then God descends from heaven
and He gives you a million dollars.
Take that feeling,
and put it into a song.
I could translate word by word,
but that'd take too long.
And I've got stuff to do grandma.
I don't have time for this.
You've gotta trust me grandma,

this freakin' song is brilliant."

Rodrigo P. Honorato